The Life of A Single Parent 14

Well, I now realize that I may have left you guys hanging at the end of last week’s blog. For that I do apologize. You may remember I spoke of the ongoing custody battle I went through a few years ago with my now ex-husband and I left out the end result.

With the help of many of the agencies I listed in that blog I was able to regain custody of my son after not having seen him in more than a year. It has been 3 years since our divorce was finalized, and my son is still suffering from the effects of it. He visits with a child therapist once a week and he also speaks to his school counselor on a regular basis as well. He suffers deep separation anxiety, and often has trouble expressing his emotions.

Now, for all that trouble that my ex went through trying to gain full custody and basically push me out of my own child’s life; you’d probably be surprised to know that since the divorce 3 years ago his father has literally seen him a handful of times, pays little to no child support at all and has since moved back to Houston to live with his parents blissfully unaware of the residual effects of his actions and how they’ve impacted our son.

In the aftermath I have been left to pick up the pieces of my child’s broken heart. He is recovering slowly but surely although it is a day to day struggle. He’s growing and for now seems to be on the right track. I can honestly say that if it had not been for the help of friends, family, and a few outside resources I wouldn’t have been able to keep fighting for my son and what was right.

The Life of A Single Parent 13

Imagine if you can going to pick your child up from school only to find when you arrive, he’s gone. When you ask the teacher and administrators where he went and who picked him up they don’t know. You call everyone you know to ask if they may have picked your child up & nobody knows what you’re even talking about. As a parent it is the worst feeling in the world, there I am I’m freakin out and a hysterical mess in the school office when the attendance lady comes to me and says, “Well his mom signed him out early today.” I’m standing there in shock. All of a sudden it hits me, his dad took him and I’m never getting him back. You see we’d been in the middle of a long, nasty, custody and divorce battle.

 So, I call the police to make a report that my son had been parentally kidnapped by my ex. Much to my surprise in the state of Texas in an ongoing custody battle neither parent has custody of that child until it is written in ink on the final divorce papers. It becomes a civil matter for the courts to decide.  The officer informs me that there isn’t anything he can do for me; he kindly excuses himself and walks away.

That would be my fate for the next year. It was as though they had fallen off the map. Court dates stopped coming, and I had no idea where or how to locate my child or my ex for that matter. I felt hopeless, until I did some research and found that there was something that I could do. It takes some persistence and fight but hang in there, because it does get better. Here’s how. If you think you can’t afford help guess again there are many agencies out there to help single or low income parents.

·         In Texas Lone Star Legal Aid (services are free or reduced depending on your situation if they can’t help you they will provide outside referrals).

·         Look online there are limitless possibilities

·         Fathers for Equal Rights (they helped file my divorce response and petition for full custody, which I now have).

http://www.abanet.org/child/pkprevrem.pdf

http://www.lonestarlegal.org/

http://www.fathers4kids.com/html/Home.htm

The Life of A Single Parent 12

As a single parent I have learned to kind of swallow my pride and ask for help from people that I normally would not normally. I ask advice on parenting tips, on time management ideas, and sitter references. It does make a difference while not all advice is good advice, I am able to filter through and make a better informed decision about things.
I realize that this is not the case for a lot of single parents out there but for parents that don't there are many available online that I've found and even used from
time to time.
Believe me when I say being a parent to a 13, 11 and 2 year old is not easy and without a good support system and resources available to me I really don't know what I'd do. I've chosen a few good resourses that I've used in the past and listed them below. These are just a couple but there is more to come.


singleparents.about.com
http://mobile.associatedcontent.com/article/394639/resources_for_single_parents_from_food.html

The life of a single parent 11

I was having a conversation last night with my 13 year old son. During which we discussed various topics from school to girls and pretty much everything else in between. 
My boyfriend and I recently got him a cell phone, he has good grades, participates in group sports and for all intents and purposes is a pretty good kid all around with the exception of normal teenage stuff. That said, as we were chatting with one another my middle son comes up and asks, "Hey, Nate can I borrow your phone to call my dad?" he was permitted... It occurred to me that Nathon had not given his dad his new number, I asked if he wanted me to give his dad the number and he declined. 
That kind of caught me off guard, so I asked well why is that? My son said, "I don't wanna talk to him, he does nothing for me and if he wants to talk to me he can call me his self."
To understand his sentiment, you would have to know that his dad was pretty much absent until my son was 5 years old and has really only been active in his life for the last couple years. I've never been one to bad mouth my ex's or say things that are unfavorable because I feel like my children will learn on their own, and this seems to be the case with Nathon. He has grown so used to empty promises and an absentee dad that he no longer wants to deal with it. I am not going to push the issue, nor will I try to sway him in any way because i truly feel like he is old enough to make that decision on his own. 
Being a single parent is not an easy job by any means but in my own experience I have learned that sometimes it is better that the other party just stay away because coming in and out of a childs life in the end causes much confusion and resentment for children. My mom always said, "it's better to have one good parent, than to have two messed up ones that can't get along".

The Life of A Single Parent 10

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Well, it has been quite a chaotic for me this week. I had two birthdays to celebrate. My middle son turned 11 and my youngest son turned 2. A good time was had by most, but my 11 was a bit down his father; who lives in Houston; promised that he would be there and of course the day of the party came and went without so much as a phone call. So, there I am consoling my poor son, telling him everything will be ok and that something must have happened that he was not able to be there.

That is the role I have played for most of my sons young life, when his dad has let him down for one reason or another. I don’t believe in bad mouthing or slandering the absent parent so when his dad doesn’t live up to his end of the agreement, I often find myself making excuses for him so that my son doesn’t feel rejected or unwanted. This has been an ongoing thing since we divorced and it breaks my heart so know that the man I married could care so little for his child’s feelings. It tears me up.

I really don’t get it, a lot of my other friends that are single parents say “well you should just be happy that he does come around, no matter how little.” To me that is just not acceptable, I could see if we hadn’t of been married but there just isn’t an excuse for it. He rarely visits, doesn’t keep up on his support payments and makes every excuse in the world as to why he should of, would of, or could’ve but just can’t. I guess it’s time for him to stop with the excuses, and time for me to stop excusing them.

As I write this, I have an epiphany… Thank you.

The Life of Single Parents 9

I think the deadbeat parents need to consider more than just themselves when it comes to paying child support, the  numbers below affect the children most of all, I say forget the issues that lead you to where you are and do what’s right. The children should not be the ones to suffer. I know all too well about these issues. The Attorney General’s office does not make things much easier once a court order is established at that point you are pretty much on your own.

Keeping track of your case pretty much becomes your responsibility, you must track where and who the non-custodial parent is employed. As I have experienced if the non- custodial parent is a contractor for instance; that is a very close community of guys; their employer will often times manipulate pay records, or not comply with the AG offices for wage garnishment. It’s messed up I know but it does happen.

If the non-custodial parent falls behind on payment, you had better be ready to do some searching of your own, because the AG office will drag their feet and just let the arrears add up, as you may or may not know if they don’t pay interest adds up, and that interest goes to the state. So, if you want the money that is owed to you, you better be prepared to work for it.

·         Did you know that 49% of all custodial parents who have court ordered child support don't receive it?

·         70% of all black children in single parent households live below poverty level.

·         50% of all white children growing up in single parent households who do not receive the child support they are supposed to live at or below poverty level.

There is help:

 www.child-support-laws-state-by-state.com/change-is-coming-for-custodial-parents-texas-single-parents-coalition.html

The Life of A Single Parent 8

In keeping more or less with the topic of last week’s blog I came across an article via web of course, that caused me to pause. So, here goes. As I stated last week about 84% of single parents are moms, 16% are dads. The circumstances by which they become single parents are quite different. It states most men become single parents due to divorce, this usually happens because the mother either gives up her parental rights or is proven incompetent.

For the most part single moms and dads face similar challenges from combining parenting responsibilities, to balancing work coordinating doctors’ visits and such and both share in the same economic disadvantages. The first part of this statement I take issue with and believe that every situation is much different than the last and I feel it depends on each individual’s upbringing and the circumstances surrounding each individual. That said here goes:

·         On average, single fathers have higher standards of living than do single mothers, which decreases potential stresses within the family. On the same note single mothers have been reported to have warmer and more structured relationships with their children than do single fathers.

·         Several studies have indicated that once economic factors are taken into account, children from single-mother families fare better than children from single-father families. Such differences may be accounted for by these parenting differences or by the aforementioned differences in the circumstances surrounding the father custody arrangement.

·         Single dad households vs. single mom homes in now every 1 in 6.

·         Single fathers are more likely have custody of older children vs. younger children & tend to receive custody of boys rather than girls.

Just a little food for thought!

http://social.jrank.org/pages/581/Single-Parent-Families-Single-Fathers-Compared-Single-Mothers.html