The Life of A Single Parent 7

It seems single fatherhood is becoming almost as common as single motherhood these days. I was doing some reading online today to find out just how many dads are raising children in a single parent environment and was shocked to find that number of single fathers is not as uncommon as I first thought. In fact, since the early 80’s the number of single dads has doubled to nearly 1.6 million. That equates to 6% a year and is double to that of single mothers. I can honestly say that I had no idea that the number was so quite so high, as hard as it is for single mothers out here trying to raise kids, I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for a man. Hats off to all the single dads out there.

In an article published in Newsweek titled “It’s Not like Mr. Mom” the author states: “ … and they’re not the stereotypical wealthy widowers or fathers raising boys or older kids. According to a recent study about two-thirds of single fathers are divorced, but 25% have never tied the marital knot; only 7.5% are widowers. 44% of their children are daughters and 1/3 of these men care for preschoolers.” (Patrick Batchelder) author and single father.

The Life of A Single Parent 6

 I came home yesterday to find my 11 year old reading about gangs. Admittedly, I was a little taken aback to find that my would give such mature reading material. When I asked her why she did, she replied, “He’s going into middle school next year, he needs to know what to expect.” After a little thinking I agreed.

I took it upon myself to read the book, entitled “Gangs” as well to get a better perspective as to why so many youths find this an attractive lifestyle. There is no one particular reason that youths join gangs. However, the author states that in his research he found that the most common factor was an unstable family environment. Gangs seem to serve as a sort of surrogate family, creating some sense of belonging.

These statements were confirmed when conducting an interview with a teenage member of the Los Angeles gang,“The Bloods” when asked why he chose to join a gang his response was, “My dad…I don’t see him that much. Probably if he was around I would not have joined the Bloods… When I first joined I was looking at it like another family.” Los Angeles Daily News

 It is just sad to know that this is the plight of many of the kids that my son is attending school with. I know its cliché, but taking the time to your kids and making them aware of what’s going on around them is the best prevention. After all, an informed decision is the best decision.

·         Teens in a single parent environment are 2.4 times more likely to become gang affiliated than most other teens

·         Teens that have an adult other than their parents in the home are 3 times more likely to join a gang than other teens

The Life of A Single Parent 5

The outcome of children raised in a single parent home is not very favorable to say the least. Studies show that fatherless children are at greater risk of developing alcohol, drug abuse, and mental disorders. Not to mention low education standards, teen pregnancy and they are also more likely to engage in criminal behavior. That is rather alarming; while I was aware of most of these statistics I can honestly say that I was shocked and saddened by some of them. I am the product of a single parent environment and I did experience many of the challenges that come from being raised by one parent.

My mother always did her best to provide a good life for us; she led by example and only wanted the best for us. I now know that she didn’t want for us to become the typical product of our surroundings. She made it a point to encourage us to participate in group activities (sports,music,) always stressed to us the importance of staying in school and continuing education. Although, I did not appreciate her efforts at the time I do understand now more than ever what she was trying to do and I try to instill those same values in my sons. I came across an article online that just cemented all the efforts that my mother made to try and make myself and my sibling’s productive members of society. Even though it is an old periodical I think it still rings true.

http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html

The Life of A Single Parent 4

Did you know that 20% of all college students these days are single parents? Well, that number is steadily on the rise. As crazy and chaotic as college life is for a single person, it is probably 100 times more chaotic for a single parent. Society tends to look down upon single parents with the general attitude that we are lazy, careless, and perhaps reckless in choosing our sexual partners. That is quite a burden to bare, and a lot to overcome. Balancing work, school and family obligations are tough for any student, but for those with children especially.
 As a single parents we are not expected to excel like our single counterparts and to be honest college life is not particularly forgiving for the single parent with exam schedules, finals, doctors appointments, parent meetings. Without the help of a strong support system it is easy to just throw in the towel. Therefore, I feel it is essential to learn effective time management skills and use that time wisely. I personally try designate time for all areas of study.

• Know what your objective is for the week, keep a day planner (essential)
• Reserve a couple hours every afternoon for my children's homework
• Designate a couple of hours each day for my homework (usually before kids get home from school, while my little one takes his afternoon nap)
• Keep one day open a week for group projects, power points and such
• Every Wednesday we go to my oldest sons football game, you gotta have some fun every once in a while to avoid getting burnt out.

These are just a few suggestions, find what works for you, and stick to it. It really is all about time management.

The Life of A Single Parent 3

Being a single parent these days is not easy by any means. Trying to keep your head above water and setting good example for your children can be very challenging at times. This is especially so when you stop to think that single mother households live below poverty level, earning a mere $13,000 a year. That isn't enough to support one person let alone a family. Children that come from single parent homes do not fare well when compared to thier 2 parent couterparts. Below are a couple of facts I found in regards to children in single parent situations. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/297615/single_parent_households_how_does_it.html

•  72% of teenage murderers come from single parent households
• 60% commit rape and are more likely to exhibiy violent behavior in general
• 75% of teen pregnancies come from single households

I am an advocate for children in organized sports and activities as a means of helping to build self confidence and self worth. I know that this has helped my teenage son stay away from negative influences.

the Life of A Single Parent 2

I was watching a commercial yesterday about one of Oprah’s upcoming shows; it was the children of 9-11; a look back at where they were then and where they are now. It made me sad because as much I complain about the fact that my children’s father plays less than an active role in their lives at least they still have him. Weather it’s once a month or twice a year. It's amazing how much we take for granted, these poor children will never know thier fathers, all they will know is what they were. As sad as that was I had a moment of reflection and I felt angered at how some men can just disregard thier children as if they were garbage.
It is not as though their father was just a man I met one day and got pregnant by he was the man I married and thought I’d spend my life with. So, when did he decide to check out and decide that my children were no longer good enough for him? It makes me wonder, “What makes a man decide that to give up on his children?” They are the innocent ones in all this. The sad part of this is that my ex-husband does not realize or may just doesn’t care about the emotional damage he has caused his youngest son. There was time when the two were inseparable, and now not really even so much as a call on the holidays. I know that I have not been the most perfect parent that I would’ve like to have been to my children but working going to school and trying to maintain a household is hard work when you are the soul provider. I guess that my only hope is that my children wont hold this against me as they get older. I only want the best for them.

The Life of A Single Parent 1

So, I got to thinking about what it is that I might want to "blog" about... And, I decided that I might as well stick to something I know about...

The plight of the single mother in society today. As anyone that has been a single parent knows it is not easy. Trying to handle work, keeping up with household duties, and going to school is an everyday task. Those are just a few obstacles to overcome as a single parent, worrying from month to month if you'll be able to afford rent or food for your children is no fun at all.

Being a single parent  means that you have to play the role of mother and father to your children. For a mother raising boys it is increasingly difficult to keep them away from outside influences that may not have thier best interests at heart, the plight of young men being raised by a single mother is a whole different subject in itself. All you can really do is hope that you are doing your best and in the end that all will turn out ok.  Take it from me if you just maintain focus and a positive attitude and with a little help from friends and family everything works out in the end.